Thwarted ambitions

There are some ambitions that were thwarted very early in my life. So early that I did not even realize they were being thrown out of my life forever with each decision that was being taken on my behalf because I was too dumb to make my own. Or probably I was, as someone once remarked, a "owned" kid.

My very first career ambition, apparently, was to become a teacher. I wanted to major in one of the oldest classical languages I loved to read. I was far ahead in understanding, reading and writing that language that my teachers often complimented me, which was not very often. I had a flair for the language. At that age, I was not one of the most talented kids in the world. Obviously, that was a bad choice. Because other kids around wanted to become doctors and engineers. I often heard how stupid I was because I expressed this desire. I heard people often wonder aloud what would happen to me and my life had there been no one to take care of my business and make decisions for me. If that was the case, man, I would be so happy. But then it was not to be.

Unfortunately this disappointment dug deep burrows into my confidence, I stopped thinking of my career. I realized by then I would anyway become something that they wanted me to. I started blindly running the rat race. And so here I am, an engineer, making big bucks, in a prestigious company with a fancy title and even fancier degrees hanging in front of my name. All that is missing is just an ounce of happiness, an ounce of excitement of doing something my way, the happiness of reading and travelling back hundreds of years of age to understand what people did and how they lived. Thats all...not much I guess.